I'll take the tears

I'm not sure what i'm feeling right now. I feel an empty space in my heart. I can't express why. I guess there's just too many things happening at the same time and i don't know how to manage. My head keeps spinning and sometimes i wish i could do things that would break the rules. After staying out at the beach the whole night with JinLian, YongLe, WeiQiang and Louis, I feel like going back to my past. Because i was really happy. But now.. I've been going through things that i probably won't if i had continued living that kind of life. Although i know that it isn't right. I feel so miserable now. Why?! Is this what it's meant to be? Eveything in my life seems to be falling apart. If only i could blend in again. But will i be truely happy?