We could be wonderful.

I guess i'm really happy now. Derence messeged me. Have been sort of waiting for him to messege me. And... He did! He said he missed me and have been thinking about me the whole day. I wish i could tell him that also. But must control. Don't know why also. But i really have been thinking about him the whole day. Must i told myself that i cannot start the conversation with him. He's at his class chalet. Wei Zhi is there too. Sigh. I'm not sure if i've really gotten over him. Cause every time i see him, my heart hurts. Slap me! Why am i thinking about this kind of things now? I've got to wake up really early tomorrow.Going to reach Expo at 7am. I can't even remember when was the last time i reached at that time. It was a long long time ago. Sigh. I got a feeling that i got kicked out of Choir. I don't know how to express myself. To be honest, i'm really sad. Cause i've always wanted to be there. But for the past few months, i haven't been serving. When i see that my Cell Group only left Yufen and Joanne doing everything, i can't bring myself to serve and leave the Cell Group like that. I guess my heart is in the Cell Group ba. But i love singing. And.. Sigh. Nevermind. Yufen, you'll read this right? I don't know how to tell you this also. But once you read, you'll know. Yup.

EMERGE ! 2007

It's EMERGE! tomorrow! Wow! So fast! This also marks the middle of the year. And time sure flies! I still feel like EMERGE 06 was yesterday. But this year's will be better than the last. I'm ready for the next few days. My heart is broken to God and my spirit is hungry and thirsty. As i fast, i know that i will be renewed. Yeah.. LOVE YOU, JESUS!

My Night Is Fulfilled!

SUN is back ! I can't express how happy i am now. Was SO close to her. Shook her hand twice too. Yeah! I just hope that she doesn't leave so soon. I miss her! She's really my everything besides God. (Hope to see you up close and personal with you. Want to take a shot with you as well, SUN.) To: Yufen --Thank you for everything today. I hope William enjoyed himself too! And, io want to thank you for always prasing me in front of the friends that i can sing. It really means a lot to me. I mean.. Cause i've always wanted to go into the music industry and me a singer and an intrument that God can use. But everytime when i sing at home, everyone would laugh at me and i would feel really discouraged and hurt. But everytime when you do that, it encourages me so much. Thank you. I love you lots!

SUN'S COMING BACK !

Yay! My source of joy is coming back TONIGHT! Can't wait to see her. But everytime i see her, i want to cry cause i miss her a lot. I must find my way through to take another photo with her. Haha. Going to study at airport Mac again later. Must do well for my exams! I'm not sure what to say now. Maybe tonigh i'll have more to say. Haha. But, nevertheless, i don't believe that this blog is stll exsisting. Lol :)

Now i'm FREE !

Yay!! My Chinese 'O' Levels paper is finally over! Woke up at 5am to study. Unbelieveable right? I know..! But this time, i really gave all i had for my Chinese paper le. Never did i study for Chinese until like this before. Met Rach earlier for breakfast. Before meeting her, Derence and i were already SMSing each other. Cause we planned to wake up at 5am to study. In the end, when Rach and i went to Mac, he was there also. I think i kind of have a ceush on him already. I'll tell you more. So finally, the moment has arrived. The Chinese papers laid on our tables and it was time to play the game of life and death. After both papers, before the invigerlator dismiss all of us, Derence got caught for talking despite of warning. He was asked to stand on stage, when he was up there, we had several eye contacts. For that moment, i felt that i really have a crush on him cause i felt for him. When i reached home, he messaged me asking me where am i and all that. He said that he wants to return me the pen i gave him cause he wants to see me. I was shocked yet at the same time, i felt really happy. He asked me out to watch movie with him next week also. I agreed. Not because i wanna be with him but i want to win him over to me so that he would be eventually be won over by God. But now, the more i know him, the cuter i find him. At first, i didn't find him good looking or cute. But when i get to know him now.. Thongs just change. We always have things to talk about. It seems to be different between me and Wei Zhi. Oh well. BUt must control myself.

Too STRESSED !

Took these photos at airport Mac. I think i was too stressed until i wanna be Mac-Girl. Haha. New superhero! I've got 10 more hours to my Chinese 'O' levels paper. I've never been so scared before. And now, everytime i think about it, i would cry cause i feel that no matter how much i give my best, it's never good enough and i'm really scared of failing again. Especially in my studies. How i wish i'm "talented" in my studies and not anything else. I wants brains. And i can't find mine.That's why i look like that(picture). I need a miracle! God... I need You. No matter how hard i study, when the results are out, it's never good. But tomorrow's paper is really important to me. I've never studied Chinese like how i am now and... I just want to do well in my studies, this year, for once.I wish that the paper will faster be over.

I've been communicating with Derence a lot this few days. Partly because sometimes i don't know who to turn you and he's has been around. He's been helping me in my Chinese also. But i can't like him. It'll be weird. He's Wei Zhi's best friend. And besides, i can't get myself into another mess. (Sigh) What am i suppose to do now?? Back to studying again.. Derence also asked me to wake up at 5am tomorrow to study. He'll be waking me up. SIGH..

Spirit hold me close within

Today as i walked towards Jasmine's house, i felt like fainting. And i was at the middle of the park then. Then Joanne came to my rescue. My stomach was hurting so badly. When we reached Jasmine's house, i threw up. But threw up water only cause haven't eaten anything before that. Went for service and it was jus awesome. Reached home at around 10pm and i finally manage to eat my first and last meal of the day and i only ate 2 chicken wings. Haha. So stressed! Cab't remember anything about Chinese. God, i need a miracle. I reall sacrifise my whole day today for church. Now feeling really very tired. Doubt i'm able to study later. So sleepy already. But i'm still chatting with Derence online. Yawns..

If only i could turn back time...

I bumped into Wei Zhi today while walking home in the afternoon. Th both of us saw each other but we just kept looking at our feet as we walked closer. He eventually waved and i said 'hi'. Then i just asked him how was his results and he replied and the both of us turned away and walked away. I wanted to turn around and tell him how much i still care. But i couldn't. Afraid of his rejection, i kept my love inside. To say that i don't love him is a lie. But there's nothing i can do. Been talking to Derence more this few days cause of the Chinese programme. And Wei Zhi asked him if there was anything going on between the both of us and whether he likes me. I suspected that Wei Zhi would ask Derence also. Cause he kept looking back to see the both of us then he would call Derence more than usual to get his attention for awhile. Sometimes, i really wish that he'll be jealous. I'm not using Derence. I sincerely want to a his friend. That's all. No motives. Didn't really expect Wei Zhi to think this way. But what does this mean? Does he still care? Why won't he ask? (Sighs) I deleted the photo we took together last month. But that picture still cannot be erased from my memory.

Swell..

My eyes are swelled. Cried to sleep since 9pm last night. Well i guess you'll know through my previous post. How to go school like that? (Sigh) At least that's not the worrying thing. In a few hours time i'll be getting back my report book. I don't plan to look at Ms Tan. I'll feel worse. There's nothing i can do now anyway. Monday is already my Chinese paper. So fast. Time really flies. But i'm so so tired now.. Oh well..

Why?? Tell me why.

Can someone tell me what i have to do so that i won't be scolded? Where can i be save and warm? Who is here to embrace me from the pain? How do i find shelter when i'm bruised n i can't run? Who would bring in the sun? Why does it have to hurt? No matter what i do, It's never good enough When your son doesn't even do anything, He's still number 1 I know i'm not smart Even though i work hard I gave my everything But you said i'm good for nothing You gave up on me And said you'll never believe me So what do i have to do to get to you? No matter how hard i try, It's useless in your eyes When your son doesn't work, Praises for him are heard I know i' not talented Even when i try to make you smile Now you've given up on me And drove me out of those gates Demanded that i leave this place Tell me who do i belong to. Why am i always made to feel this way all the time? sometimes i really wonder where am i suppose to be and who do i belong to. I just... I just want to know who would am i.

Hungry..

Sigh.. I'm so hungry now. Haven't eaten the whole day except for recess. Didn't meet Yufen and Jasmine. If meet then thet'll probably be late for their bible study. Went down to see what's there to eat but i discovered nothing. I don't know what to eat also. But i'm really hungry. Perhaps now no appetite. Been forcing food down my throat this few days. Eat for the sake of eating. But everytime i finish eating, i feel like throwing up and sometimes i do. Not that i want to, of course. It been like that since early last year. Guess i'm just stress. And i'm still not totally over WZ. I'm getting over it but not as fast as i hope it would. This whole week have been seeing him cause i have at least 4 hours of Chinese lesson. And he sits in front of me. When he turns to talk to his good friend, he has to look at my direction. So how to not be distracted? But there's nothing left i can do. If only i treasured him in the beginning. This wouldn't happen if i didn't break off with him the first time. I gave up so much yet.. Sigh. All these doesn't matter anyway.

Finally!

Ooo.. Does this page look different? Great thanks to YUFEN! You are a GENIUS! How can i ever thank you for getting me out of the stress that i was in because of this? Haha. Thank you so much! I love you! Muacks! :) Having a headache now. Just woke up from my 1 hour afternoon nap. Haha. I don't usually just have an hour nap. I usually have about 2 to 3 hours. If possible, more. But i'm running out of time. Have to study. Well, i'm lying! I wish i was that hardworking. Haha. Of course i do study but at night! But for now, i wonder what time will i be meeting Yufen and Jasmine. Hmmm???

The morning has turned over

I'm listening to music now, waiting for the time where i an able to step out into the ray of the sun.it's another long day in school. But what else can i do? Haha. Alright. Will be meeting Yufen and Jasmine tonight for dinner. Not sure now if i can go cause i'm broke! Wonder why also. I didn't spent a lot. Did i?? (Sigh) Have a pimple on my forehead. Very pain leh. So ugly also. Okay. I'm going to do my own things before i leave for school. Hopefully, this blog will be able to last longer than the previous ones. (Haha!)

Busyy..

Just came home not too long ago. Went to meet Jo after my bible study. Now i'm really tired. Not sure what to write. But tomorrow i have to go to school. 4 hours of Chinese again. So tiring. Anyway, blogging is so complicated. i still can't figure out hot to change the skin. Goshh.. Oh well. See how. :)

Unfated..

What a night i had last night. Though this line sounds sood, but it wasn't a good night. I tried changing the skin of this complicated personal journal and i never succeeded. THat pretty lady in the photo with me tried helping me. But it wasn't successful. Perhaps me and blos were never fated. Haha. I never intented to create this. But i did it cause i was extremely dying of boredom. Anyway, i stii never managed to change it. Hopefull i'll get it done soon??

And i didn't go school today. It was Sports Day. There's nothing to do there except to cheer for the runners till they reach the finishing line. And the best part is that for refreshments, they're giving one small bun and a bottle of mineral water. Gosh! we have big appetites man. How much can a bun fill our stomachs. Oh well. I'm not there now anyway. Haha. I'm not trying to be negative now. It;s just that i'm kind of bored doing nothing. I'm obviously going to study later.

Will be going out later in the afternoon as well. Got prayer meeting and bible study at riverwalk later. What a spirit-filled day.. I'm suppose to SMS Yufen a verse today. But i still don't have it. How?? My head is still spinning.. Got to go pray and seek God for a verse. Yeah.

I'll take the tears

I'm not sure what i'm feeling right now. I feel an empty space in my heart. I can't express why. I guess there's just too many things happening at the same time and i don't know how to manage. My head keeps spinning and sometimes i wish i could do things that would break the rules. After staying out at the beach the whole night with JinLian, YongLe, WeiQiang and Louis, I feel like going back to my past. Because i was really happy. But now.. I've been going through things that i probably won't if i had continued living that kind of life. Although i know that it isn't right. I feel so miserable now. Why?! Is this what it's meant to be? Eveything in my life seems to be falling apart. If only i could blend in again. But will i be truely happy?

wonder why i created this..

I wonder why this was created. I guess i'm bored now and my mum just scolded me for no reason again. What's her problem?! Gosh! Can i have a day of peace? Forget it. Why am i complaining? I should be used to it by now. Sigh.. I'm left with 6 more days to my Chinese 'O' Levels. And i'm getting really stressed. But no one knows i guess. How can i show? How can i reveal what in my heart?