I managed to rest at home today. Although i only slept for 5 hours(to me it's very little already!), i feel alive! Haha. Woke up early today and decided to do my own things and just relax. I guess you may think that this is what i always do, but, it's not. You've got no idea what's going on behind the scenes.
Throughout the weekend, through some observations and what some people around me say, i have learnt something. And that is, "Respect doesn't come with authority. But authority comes when you respect." I feel that even if one's a leader, people can choose whether to respect him or not. Respect has to be earned. It's not in the package when a person becomes someone with authority. However, when a person begins to respect people, naturally, he'll have authority. Even though this isn't much of what is preached during the Festival Of Praise services, this is what i gained through observing the people around me. And the level a person shows respect to people is also the level he respects himself.
Today, when i went down to by some snacks with my brother, my heart broke when i saw him smoking. Even though i already knew that he was smoking, it just hurts more to actually see him smoking. So many thought filled my mind. Honestly, i felt like a lousy sister. I told myself when i was younger that i would never let any harm come to my brother. I would even give up what i want just so he can get the things he wanted. As i see him living his life this way, i feel horrible. I don't want him to live a life that i use to live. I went through a life like a typical "ah lian", just that i don't smoke. Seeing the way he treats his body(by smoking) like how i used to slit my wrist brought back the pain i felt. I already feel that i've lost hope in my studies, i don't want him to end up like me, regretting.. He's like me, always making the wrong kind of friends.. Sigh, i guess i still do.. I never learn, do i?
But other than this, today has been pretty good. A god-sent angel made me happy today. Haha. Well, throughout yesterday, there was one thought that kept clinging onto my mind. But i can't mention it here. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not. I guess both good and bad. I kind of had that decision out of anger and hurt. But i also does have a postive motive? I know that's impossible. But it's true..
