dReams.

Was super tired today during the first few periods in school. Could barely stay awake.But i managed to eventually. tomorrow's another long day. I finsihed doing my History and SS homework. I'm really happy that i did my work! Did Humanities for 2 long hours. All are source-baesed questions. Almost fainted! But i guess the more i do, the easier it gets. Now can relax a bit already. Since my homework is done. Think i'm going to do some Maths later. This week is the end of Term 3. After a week of holidays, it's going to be Prelims!!!! I'm so nervous! Feel so unprepared. Now have to 'chiong' like crazy. Sigh.. Oh well. :)

I wonder

"Now i really wonder if i really like you because you suddenly don't seem to be the type that i like. And it makes me wonder who you really are. Do you really support me? If you really do, can i tell you that i don't feel it. Because my greatest desire is to be a Singer and an Actress. But do you know that? After all those that you said, i really don't know. But it doesn't matter." After Sun's e-mail, these kind of hurting words mean nothing. Sun believes in me, God believes in me. That is enough to last me through. The weekend was great. Enjoyed myself a lot. Can't exactly recall what happened but, it was filled with much fun. Another week in school. It's going to pass really fast. Before i know it, it'll be Prelims already. Barely even started. I don't need people to nag at me. I have more than enough at home. But, whatever. Just very shagged.

Ask who's in my heart, you are.

I guess it has been awhile since i last updated this. But i suppose the past week has been rather tiring. During Maths lesson, Mrs Wong said that my eyes very red. She also can see that i was super tired. I could barely keep my head lifted. But i managed to. Was passing letter to Jin Lian today in class. Talked about him. I told her that i'm not sure that i really like him. But now i can be quite sure that i do. I guess in a way i don't want to break his heart . He's really a nice guy. But, now isn't the right time. I must be more FOCUS!!! I'm just really touched by how he respect my decisions. Unlike someone else. Anyway, i really don't know who i should go out with tomorrow. I'm broke.. But i want to get a bag!! And belts.. Sigh.. God, prosper me..!

I had a nightmare yesterday afternoon. I can't really remember what the dream was about. But i know that i saw a "demon" that represented fear. And when i woke up, fear just overwhelmed me. So, i started to speak in tongues. Felt so much better after that. Oh well, tomorrow's going to be a long day.

engLish OraL

I went home halfway during school today. Was so nervous till i didn't feel well. So it was that bad. And sadly, i screwed my English Oral. How bad can it be?! Sigh. I'm really depressed now.. Don't want to imagine how much i'll get. The teacher even laughed at me. So i guess it's that bad!!! Went totally out of the question. Depressed~

can I sing??

Woke up late this morning. Was super tired in the morning. Service was awesome. Anyway, the not so exciting part was during PM. Oh man! Pastor encouraged all of us to take part in 'So you think you can sing?' event. Not just attending the event but be a participant. Well, i was enouraged but i just didn't want to cause i've always been afraid to even speak in front of a group. And now, sing?! Suzy "forced" me to take part. Not only that, she wanted me to participate in the solo category. Well, i sighned up. And now, i don't know what song to choose for the prelimery round. Yes i've always wanted to be a singer, but i never thought that i could sing well. I mean, there are so many people who are better than me. But since i'm given this opportunity, why not. I'll give my best shot for this. Looks like Suzy has got a BIG faith on me. I'm just so touched by what Suzy has done for me. She is the only one i know besides God who believe in me so so much. I am never good in my studies but she told me once that i have always been a smart girl in her eyes. The moment i read that SMS, i cried on the bus. No one ever believed that i can do well in my studies. That SMS from Suzy made a lot of difference in my life. And of course, she always knew that i want to be a singer when in future and that it has always been my dream to be one since young. ll! Suzy, thank you for believing in me! You have made such a BIG impact in my life! I've been at home for the past few hours but i haven't done anything yet. I'm just too tired to do anything now. Tomorrow's my English Oral. I'm so nervous now!! God, i need a miracle!

mIssing yoU

I'm super tired now! Long day in school. Well, don't really wish to recall what happened in school. Anyway, after school, i had luch with Juliana. Was great. We chatted a lot. It was great. When i came home, read newspaper. After reading, i fell flat on the bed and slept till 4.30pm. Did my own things and here i am now. Still think of what to eat for dinner. Everyone has eaten except me cause i don't know what to eat so i decided not to eat instead. But i'm kind of hungry. So perhaps i'll go downstairs to grab a bite later. Next monday is my English Oral. I'm really feeling nervous now. Don't want to think about it now. It'll make me even more nervous. But i guess english shouldn't be as much of a problem as chinese.

Didn't talk to him much today. He called just now but hung up after a few minutes cause i was packing my things an he just reached home.I guess he'll call again at 10 plus? He always calls in around that time also. At least tomorrow i'll be able to chat with him more cause it's a Frieday and next day there's no school so he'll be able to stay up a bit later. Yea.

I guess i'll stop here. Nothing else to say... :)

No more will left to fight.

School was very short today. Lessons ends before we can complete our work. Have been having a lot of test from Ms Tan. And in every test, i'm unable to complete my answer cause i write too slow and take too long to think. But anyway, i still managed to pass. So i don't have to copy 5 pages. I was so sleepy during English. I slept at around 2am last night cause i couldn't sleep. Guess i'm still very trouble over my results. Just don't seem to have anymore will left to fight on in my studies. A sudden thought of dropping out from school came to my mind in the afternoon. I'm not even sure if i can pass. Talk about doing well. Who am i fooling?? Oh well. Until now, my parents don't even know about my results. Don't plan to tell them unless they ask. Which eventually they will cause my cousins who are in the same school as me also got back their results and.. Pressurizing.

Came home after school and fell flat on my bed cause i was super tired. Studied awhile before i started using the computer. Not sure what i'm going to do later. Mayb i'll watch TV till 10pm then start doing some work again. Still got work to do also. The proudest thing i am of is my HP bill. Recieved it today. And it's $39.37. Unbelieveable! It's a good thing. Manage to escape a lecture from my mum.

To "you know who you are": Thank you for standing by me the past few months. I really am very thankful to have you in my life. Though i only started talking to you this year, my life has never been the same since. You've brought so much encouragement the past 2 days. Thank you for being so understanding! Where else can i find someone as understanding as you? A BIG hug to you!

Isolation.

It was a long day in school. Stayed in school till 4 plus cause of Maths remedial. Was so tired during school hours. Not sure why. Didn't really wanted to wake up for school this morning. i guess i'm still thinking about my Chinese results. Can't get over it yet. But, i managed to stay awake throughout which is pretty good. But know, i'm trying hard to stay awake. I guess i'm just tired cause i've got nothing to do now. Wore slippers to school today cause my blisters were killing me. Yesterday when i wore my shoes to school, i felt as if my blisters were on my whole feet. The pain went numb. Oh well..

Jin Lian asked me something today. She asked, "I don't understand why you don't want to go with him." Well, i'm also not sure myself. Maybe i guess i'm "restricted"? I'm not sure if i want either. But when she asked me that, i really started thinking. But i still can't find the reason. It's not that i want. But it's also not that i don't want. Anyways, things are going okay. So, i guess it's better this way for now. He has brought a lot of joy. Sometimes can be cheeky until i want to box him but well.. A lot of my friends says that he's a good guy and i agree, he is.

sWeet..

Derence came over to my house today after school with a tub of ice cream. So sweet!! I meant the ice cream. Haha. No.. He's really sweet. Very touched my the concern and love he has shown. Thank you Derence! Sigh. Though he has cheered me up, i still can't get over my results. Just got to accept it anyway. Oh well..

Failure.

My heart shattered when i saw my results today. Though i've already expected it, i just didn't want it to come true. Oh well. There's nothing i can do. I sat in the hall thinking of what i've been doing this half a year and realised that's the result i should get anyway. Whole time out doing nothing. If not then i'd be sleeping. No wonder i got a F9. Cousins got back their results as well. I can't be more pressurized. Sigh. They did better of course. My parents don't even know that i'm taking back my result. Even if they ask now, i wouldn't know how i'm going to answer them. I feel like a real failure. People say "it's okay" but it's not, "retake retake" but i on't have that much time. Guess all i can do now is to 'chiong' for the rest. I promised SUN that i'll study hard. And i will. I guess i won't listen to anyone else but God and her. And maybe a few others as well. Whenever i feel discourage, i always read SUN's replies. It never fails to encourage and motivate me again. I want to eat lots of ice cream!! But for now, my eyes are very pain.

thinKing of yoU

Today's service was really AWESOME! After service, went airport to fellowship. After that, study.. So stressful. Tomorrow going to get my Chinese result. I really don't want to know my result. When i think of it, i can't help but years just flow from my eyes. I need a miracle. But i guess i already know the results. Can't help but to think that i will fail. Sigh.. Really don't know what to do..

Fun and Love

I think i'm falling deeper in love with you I secretly watch you in everything you do Keep longing to hear your voice Even if we're just making noise Ran around city area today. From Esplanade to Raffles City, to Clark Quay Central, to Suntec, to Funan, Back to Esplanade. So tired now! And my feet is filled with blisters cause i was wearing heels. So painful. Keep twisting my ankle as i ran throughout. My poor feet... Anyway, i've got so much work to do. As in revision. And throughout this short holliday, i've not done anything!! Oh my goodness!! Tomorrow i have to really do my work ! If not, i'll be wasting my whole weekend. Just finish completing Ansel and Wilson's cards. But my feet still hurts. Oh well. I have to go do my things now. I need to rest for awhile before i start my work if i still can stay up. Sigh..

National Day.

Happy Birthday Singapore!

Went to see fireworks this evening with Wayne, Jo, He Xing, Ming Jian and Andrew. Couldn't really see the fireworks cause we were blocked by trees! Unbelievable. So many trees! But we got to see most of it. It was really beautiful! It was rather short though. Went back to Suntec. Didn't do much there. Just took some photos.

Went back shortly after that. So, here i am now. I'm kind of tired already. Tomorrow going to watch movie with Derence (i think). Oh well. For now, i think i'm going to do my own stuff. Yea.

foRced.

Actually, i don't really know what to write. Just that someone kept asking me to update so.. Here i am. I've got nothing much to say cause i'm rather in a bad mood. So.. Yea.. It's going to be a long weekend. ot a short break from tomorrow till Monday. Honestly, i rather go to school. Having to spend the holidays at home makes me miss school. Staying at home is like committing suicide. I know it's not going to be a good holiday cause i am very sure that i'll get loads od scolding from my parents even if i've done nothing wrong. I don't have to be a genius to know this. Besides, i'm not a genius. It's going to be a nightmare from tomorrow on. I wish i won't wake up from my sleep. Sigh. The exams are drawing near. And how can i possibly get the results of my desire?! Next Monday already going to receive my Chinese results. I already can see a BIG F9. Well, i've got to b realistic. So stop asking me to think positive cause it'll only bring fasle hope. Well, i'm still not sure if i like him. Hmmm, kind of i guess. But, yeah.. Thank you for respecting my decision to just be friends (you know who you are). You've brought so much joy into my life. Though i always bully you, but you never got angry. Thank you! And i love you for that! Please don't 'gei kiang' and jump from the fifth step. See! Now break leg. Take care okay! If not cannot go out with me! Haha. Okayy. I've updated my blog so i hope you're satisfied that i also wrote something about you! Haha!

heLp!!

Today has been good and bad. Recieved Sun's e-mail this morning. Her reply was pretty long. So, i'm more than happy! Haha. However, the moment i reached home, i had a very bad headache. In the evening, sigh.. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Anyway, I'm still having a bad headache. Just threw up not long ago. Ever since i went to see the doctor about my chest pains, my health is getting worse. I've got no idea why. Oh well.. I can't tell my parents cause they wouldn't believe that i'm sick. "It's been so long since i heard you call my name. It's been so long since we said 'hi'. It's been so long since you dialled my number But these 2 days i finally heard the words i've longed to hear. And we we meet eye to eye, i wish i could hold on to time."

FOP

It was 2 amazing nights of FOP. Slept at 3am last night. And i don't believe that i'm able to wake up. I reached home at 1.20am and did my things for awhile. Then, it's my favourite part. I had a chat with my best friend, Jesus. He sat by my bed.What we chatted about, it;'s between Him and me!! Haha. Want to know?? Go ask Him then. :) Pastor talked about making room for God in our lives. I really want to expand my capacity and make more room for Him. Well, i've got to go to school already. I've never felt to awake on a Monday morning before.

Long time..

Another week is going to be over. Today during Chinese lesson, was looking at Wei Zhi. And he happened to look over oso. I didn't dare to make eye contact with him for too long so i looked away. And he told Derence that i looked away when he looked at me. Sigh.. Oh well.Not sure if i can go to sleep. This few days find it very hard for me to fall asleep. And the worse thing is that i'll wake up every hour. Not sure why also. But i've taken my medicine. So, should be easier for me to sleep now. Took my medicine in school also. I almost fell asleep during lessons. Have been coughing and having block nose for the past few days too. And, i've saved $50. Want to buy a bag actually. Well, see how.Been staying home the past week as well. Very lazy to go out also. But tomorrow i'm going out with Rach and Trif to study. Hopefullyi don't doze off when i reach home. Oh well, i think i'm going to go sleep soon. Though i've not blog since last week, i still can't find words to add on.